Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

About Me

My Photo
Awesomeness
You will be blinded by my awesomeness.
View my complete profile

Anti-Tool Committee

Other Awesome Blogs

Blog Widget by LinkWithin
Free Internet Security - WOT Web of Trust
Thursday, March 25, 2010

What's A Girl Gotta Do To Get Some R&R Around Here?



  • A: Just ask for some time to herself.  I mean hell, her husband's a perfectly reasonable guy who can see she's clearly at the end of her rope.  He'd be happy to take the kids off of her hands for a few hours while she gets her shit straight.
  • B: Book a trip to a day spa and lie to her husband.  "There's a big work convention on the other side of town today.  We're going to have to take separate cars.  See ya at 6:00!"
  • C: Stage a world class freak-out.  Scare everyone enough to toss you into a mental hospital.  I hear they have to keep you there for, like, 3 days for observation.
  • D: Book a trip to your oral surgeon to get a wisdom tooth removed.  Hell, drugs and all the naps you want.  Fuckin' SCORE!!

So, let's see how we did here.  If you selected:

  • A: You're obviously new to my blog.  Mr. A would rather scuba dive naked and weaponless in blood-infested shark territory than watch the kids for more than about an hour at a time.
  • B: I'm the worst liar on the planet.  It also doesn't help that Mr. A is the most suspicious person on the planet.  Put us both together and I'm the most honest woman alive and he knows where I'm at and what I'm doing better than I do.  This will come in handy if I'm ever kidnapped, I'm sure.
  • C: You're close.  I'm probably capable of this and over the last couple of weeks I've actually (not seriously) considered the upsides of this plan.  However, being labeled a crazy person and possibly a potential danger to myself and others -- particularly my children -- is not a part of the plan that I can live with, so this will never work.
  • D: DING DING DING DING DING.  You get a cookie.  
After my last appointment with my dentist, I was advised to get my wisdom teeth pulled.  Not that they were really bothering me, but they occasionally do.  I have one -- oh, excuse me, had one -- that was fully grown in and that one was a pain in the ass.  It grew in sideways, so it was always pressing into my cheek.  It was also hard to get a tooth brush back there, so when the dentist discovered a cavity in it, there was no way I was going to be able to muster a convincing shocked face.

Up until the time I sat in the chair at the oral surgeon's office, I was determined to get all 4 of my teeth ripped out at once.  The surgeon showed me a "What To Expect" video, then explained to me that it was not really all that urgent to get all 4 of the teeth out.  The one that was grown in, yes.  Absolutely, no doubt, but the other 3 could wait potentially up to 10 more years.  So, that's when I had an idea.  An awful idea.  A wonderful, awful idea.

If I were to get each of my teeth removed one at a time, then that would be 4 occasions that I could just sit by myself in my room.  Movies, computer, books, water, chocolate pudding, Percoset.  NO KIDS, NO WORK KIDS, NO WHINY CLIENTS, NO MISMANAGER, NO MR. A.

I am an evil fucking genius. 

0 comments: