Don't Be A Complete Tool

Probably not, but let's give it a shot anyway.  My big 'tool' story from the end of the week is fairly complicated.  It involves a lot of back story and inside-joke explaining.  I thought about not writing about it, but then again, I love a challenge (and I have nothing else to write about).  So, please bear with me.


Quote: This is not something I think  I should see when I go peepee.


'Franco' is our business partner.  He is rarely in the office.  When he is there, he likes to play pranks on us.  Not funny pranks, however, completely retarded ones like: putting lotion in the earpiece of our phones or taking the track ball out of our mouses.  One day, I came back from lunch to find all of my paperclips scattered all over my desk.  I heard a distinct twittering, girlish giggle coming from the back area.  Yeah, that's....hilarious.  Or something.  It took me 1/2 a second to sweep them into a trash can and get on with my day.

'Franco' is originally from Quebec and, while not actually a Frenchman, I often refer to him as 'Frenchie' because he is a prissy, snobby little twerp.  Oh, and because he really hates being called 'Frenchie'.  "Ooops, sorry, I'm just an ignorant American that doesn't understand the difference....(prick)"



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Quote: "My stomach feels like it's on fire and I'm peeing blood, but I think I'll make it."

If Melman and Gloria from Madagascar had a baby, it would be EmployeeVonMunchausen.  She has his personality and her physique.  I would say more, but that's pretty much all there is to her.

So "The Incident":

On Thursday, Franco comes strolling into the office and starts bitching because I didn't notice him for almost 5 minutes.  (I was working, you know, like sometimes people do while they're at work.)  He's yammering on and on about how he's just going to call me next time...(really?) when I notice his appearance. 

Franco is usually dressed in either a primly pressed button-down shirt or an equally wrinkle-free polo and dress slacks.  His hair is normally gelled up  in carefully manicured 'I care about looking like I don't care about my hair' spikes.

On Thursday, Franco was wearing a maroon v-neck sweater, white button down shirt and maroon and gold striped tie.  His hair was completely flat and combed off to one side. 



Without thinking, I asked, "What's up with the Harry Potter look?"  He (thankfully and surprisingly) took no offense and complained that everyone's been teasing him about looking like a college kid all day.

When he walked away, Carlos started laughing and asked if I really called him Harry Potter.  He was impressed and I was totally his hero for the next 30 minutes or so. 

About 15 minutes later, I was sitting with a client in our lobby when I hear Franco yell, "That is not appropriate!  I am offended.  Do you really think that's funny?"  What the hell is he getting his panties in a bunch over?

He pulls me aside and proceeds to chew me out for 20 minutes because Carlos called another employee to tell her that I called Franco 'Harry Potter.'  Ugh, seriously?  I was the one who called you names, you douche.  So now I have to sit through, "I can't believe how mean he is.  I am not going to go to HR, because I don't want to get anyone in trouble, but I was very offended.  That was totally uncalled for...."  Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda....

Then, Franco starts bitching about the 'Carlos the beast' pictures.  "I can't believe you would leave those offensive pictures up.  Think of how bad EmployeeVonMunchausen must feel when she has to look at that fat drawing that looks just like her all day..."

And the Toolie Award for Straightest Face After The Stupidest Comment goes to...