Don't Be A Complete Tool

Once a month, the company lends our office a popcorn machine.  MisManager loves the thing and thinks it's fun for the clients.  MisManager does not have to set up the popcorn machine.  MisManager does not have to make the popcorn.  MisManager certainly never cleans the damn thing.

Yesterday we were shorthanded and everyone launched right in to work (you know, what we're paid for) and MisManager got a bug up her ass about the fact that no one was setting up the popcorn machine.  When she complained to me, I just shrugged at her.  I'm not messing with the damn thing.  I've complained numerous times about how time consuming it is to have the thing there in the first place.

Don't get me wrong, I love popcorn, but I don't think that we need to pop it once a month just for the fuck of it.

Angry that no one else was taking ownership of a machine that no one but her really wants there anyway, MisManager decides to make a schedule.  Since no one wanted to set up the machine and throw some popcorn in, now we all have to stand at the entrance and hand out bags of popcorn to the customers when they walk in the door.

Oh hell no.  I declined a shift and she said, "This really isn't optional."  Oh hell no.  The look in my eye must have said, "Bitch, I will ax murder you," because she immediately followed up with, "C'mon, let's discuss this off the floor."  That went a little something like this:

MisManager: You know, as a leader, you really need to set a good example for your employees.
Awesomeness: It's a popcorn machine.  It doesn't take leadership skills to hand out popcorn.
MisManager: It's a nice friendly greeting for the clients when they first walk in the door.
Awesomeness: We can greet and talk to the clients from our desks...like we always do.  And, you know, like, get our work done at the same time.  The popcorn is right there next to the door.  They can just grab some on the way out.
MisManager: I need you to have my back on this.
Awesomeness: Then stop punishing us for no reason by making us go into the lobby and hand out popcorn when we have work to do.
MisManager: It's not a punishment, and, you know, you're being very insubordinate right now.

This is the part where my fucking head explodes.  She uses that term a little too liberally, and always for the most inappropriate circumstances; like this one.  I hope she knows that insubordination only applies to reasonable instruction.  Something tells me no.

Awesomeness: Don't you dare write me up for insubordination because I don't want to man a popcorn machine that you know damn well I can't stand having here anyway.  I. Will. Fight. You.

MisManager must have had a flash of what the write up would look like run through her head at that moment, (On August 20, 2010, you refused to leave your desk and go out into the lobby to hand out popcorn to the clients as instructed.  This caused the clients to have to retrieve their own popcorn, which severely damaged this company's reputation.) because she backed down a bit.

MisManager: What would it take to convince you to take your turn out there?
Awesomeness: Turn it into something fun and not a punishment.  Maybe we see how many clients we can get over to the sales people (you know, a big part of the work we'd be doing at our desks...) and the winner gets a prize of some kind.  
MisManager: *Roots through her desk and pulls out two $10.00 Starbucks cards.* I have these.  What if we gave them to the operations employee and the sales employee who gets the most clients to commit to sitting down and talking about services?
Awesomeness: You've got a deal.

I'm not unreasonable, but there was no way I was going to stand in the lobby and hand out little baggies of popcorn and not get any work done for nothing.

By the way, I will be enjoying my 1 ½ cups of Starbucks coffee.  Winnah!