Don't Be A Complete Tool

No, seriously, if I knew this was going to turn into such a thing, I would have written about it as it went.  Stick with the story for tons of craziness.

After a long hiatus from this blog, MisManager is making a big comeback.

The back story:

Almost 2 months ago, we started interviewing to replace one of my employees (no matter the position in my company, there are always 2 managers involved in the interviewing process).  We ended up with 3 very good applicants and 1 very crazy, stalkerish one.

The very first candidate we interviewed, I loved.  MisManager hated.  Hated with a passion I could not even begin to describe with words.  What bought the applicant her own car on MisManager's Hate Train?  During the interview, Applicant admitted that she gets frustrated when her current manager doesn't communicate properly.  I can totally relate to her frustration.  It's something that I go through with MisManager daily.  It's no wonder MisManager took the comments personally.  In our post interview meeting:

MisManager: So...what'd you think?
Awesomeness: I really liked her.  I thought she answered our questions thoroughly and already has a strong work ethic and sales background.  She has a very open personality that will fit in well with the current staff.
MisManager: I did not like her at all.  I have some serious concerns about her maturity and did you hear her response about her manager?  You don't bash your manager in an interview.  She'll poison the staff with her negativity.  Also, I disagree that she'll get along with the staff.  She and EmployeeVonMunchausen will clash.  Big time.

Okaaaaay.  First of all, guess what the number one response has been in an interview to the question, "What is your biggest frustration in your current position?"  Communication.  I would give it, off the top of my head, about an 80% answer rate.  It leads to some rough times and it's a very valid frustration.

Applicant's answer was very oriented toward the lacking behavior and spoke very intelligently about the effects it has on her and the rest of the staff.  In no way did she "bash her manager."

Second of all, I think that rubbing EVM the wrong way is a good thing.  She needs to get shaken out of her little tree every now and again.  The rest of my current staff allows her to sulk and whine.  They just enable her to be a mopey asshole and I need troops to support my efforts to draw her out.

MisManager disagreed with that assessment (even though she always talks about how outstanding I am at managing interpersonal conflict...this is my thing, lady, leave me to it).  Applicant was off the table.  This was unfortunate, because she was very good.

Flash forward 2 weeks, we now have a couple of other interviews out of the way and settled on the 3rd candidate.  He was everything we were looking for and he managed not to "bash his manager" during the interview.

Except, he decided to turn into a dick about pay.  He currently makes $10.00/hour + bonus.  We were offering him $11.00/hour + bonus with no previous experience in our line of work.  He wanted $12.50/hour + bonus and he wasn't budging.  I have employees that have been with me for 3 years that barely make $12.50/hour.  There's no way.  Douchey move, dude.

So, this left MisManager and I discussing our Plan  B prospect.  I thought it was a no-brainer, since she seemed to have such a serious problem with Applicant #1.  Nope.

MisManager: (speaking of Applicant #1) I think that she'll really be the best fit for us overall.
Awesomeness: What happened to your concerns about her answers regarding communication?  You felt very strongly about that.
MisManager: I don't think that we have communication issues here, so that wouldn't really concern me.

She does this to me.  Oh my fucking god, it drives me batshit crazy.

So we offer the position to Applicant #1, and she accepts.  She gladly accepts the same offer of pay that the last guy turned down and is excited to come aboard.  Then the real fun begins.

MisManager: When can she start?
Awesomeness: She's got to give her 2 week notice, then she'll need to start the following Monday.  That puts her start date on Feb. 28.
MisManager: Why didn't she already give her notice?
Awesomeness: .... Because she hadn't gotten the job before today.
MisManager: We need someone in here sooner than this.  She's not really leaving me with a good feeling.

Oh crap.  Here we go again.  I put in an effort to try to reason with her.  It's illogical that someone would quit their current job before their new one is a done deal.  She wasn't listening.  Her point of view was that Applicant should have put in her notice on the first day that our Human Resources called her to extend the position.  This is not a one-day process though.

• H.R. calls applicant.  Applicant may not get their voicemail right away because they're working or in school
• Next day, applicant calls back.  They discuss hours and pay.  Applicant accepts.
• Applicant goes through a thorough background check.  This takes 2 days.
• Applicant gets drug tested. Results take up to 3 days.

From the time we offer the job, to the time we send an official welcome letter, it's usually a week to a week and a half.

Today's issue:

Applicant has finally started.  This is her second week with us.  She is fitting in so well with my staff that it's almost like she's been there for years.  She's catching on to her job very quickly.  I love the way this is working out.

Then Applicant, referred to hereafter as New Girl, lets slip that, while she was waiting for over a week for us to go through our long new hire selection process, her counterpart at her current job hurt herself and is now on medical leave.  So New Girl has quit, but her official end date was extended a bit because she's staying on, very part-time, to help them out until the other employee comes back.  I appreciate that kind of loyalty.

New Girl hasn't said anything about needing any special consideration, so I'm left to ask if she feels that her responsibilities to her old job are going to cause a scheduling issue with our position.  The answer is a very quick and decisive, "NO!"  Our job is her primary focus.  I'm completely satisfied with this.

MisManager, however, has decided to take this as a personal affront and unleashed a barely coherent mass of fury on me the other day:

MisManager: I didn't even want her in the first place! (We knew this was coming.)  We gave her 2 weeks to quit that job (how magnanimous of us), so what the hell is she still doing there?  She lied to me.  She lied and I feel so betrayed right now.  She's not going to be here for long, you just wait and see.  How is she going to manage our job and this other job at the same time (people do it all the time; she's young, it's temporary, she'll survive)?  I'm going to have to sit her down some time today.  She needs to decide to either be here or be there.

Aw, shitballs.  Now I can't leave her with a free minute to corner New Girl.  This is not going to happen.  New Girl's old job does not interfere with this job.  I don't really care what she does in her free time.  I really don't.  She's not out whoring or drugging.  She's not flashing her tits on a webcam.  I'm good.  She's good.  We're all good.  If MisManager backs her into a weird spot right now, I'm not sure that she'll think this job is worth her time if she has to work for a fucking nutbar.

It's Wednesday morning and I'm already ready for the weekend.  And a stiff drink.