Don't Be A Complete Tool

I just wanted to mark yesterday as a special occasion: the day MisManager trusted me to do my job.

She's on vacation this week and we had a couple of interview candidates sent our way.  I had initially told the recruiter that we would wait on the interviews until MisManager got back into the office, because NO WAY should I be left alone to...do my job.  Without hand holding.  No friggin' way.  I mean, I've only been interviewing since 1996, so what the fuck would I know?

End immature snarkfest.

When MisManager called, because she checks her email on vacation, she said, "You go right ahead and get these out of the way.  I'll call them back in if you like them."  What?  She must be having an awesome vacation.

The first interview I did yesterday was possibly one of the worst I've ever had.  This would include the girl I interviewed who mumbled under her breath and ended every sentence with, "Yeah...."  What was the deal with her?

This one:

1.  Snapped at me for calling her cell phone when I called for the interview.  Her point was that she was busy speaking with a client at work.  MY problem was that she answered her fucking cell phone while trying to handle a client.  Strike one.

2.  When I asked her to tell me about herself and to describe her experience a bit, she launched right into a story about how she used to work for my company about 15 years ago (not on her resume, by the way; I know resume experts may recommend only recent experience, but if you're a former employee, you may want to mention that).  Then she went into an awkward bout of the "Hey, Do You Know So-And-So? Game."  I didn't.  She wasted about 5 minutes of my time doing this.  Even after I tried to move the conversation along by telling her the 2 people I did know from her old department.  Strike two.

3.  She has listed on her resume one job for the last 7 years, but also 8 other jobs with timelines that coincide with this job.  Each of the subsequent jobs were appeared to last approximately 4-9 months.  When I asked if the dates were correct, she said yes.  So is this first job your primary job and the others have been second jobs?  Yes.  Are you planning on making this job a secondary priority?  "Well, if you can't offer me full time job after about a month or so, then I'm going to have to look for something else."  Wow.  Lady, I'm not even going to offer you this part time job, so no worries there.  Strike three.

4.  I know that a lot of people get frustrated by interview questions, but I ask about 10 of them anyway.  I need to see you think on your feet.  I also want to know that you're open enough to talk about yourself.  My interview style is really easy, so I try to make it seem more like a conversation than an interrogation, but this lady was just not giving up the goods no matter what I did.

Describe a time when you were able to be a positive influence on the life of another person.  Her response: "Well it's very important to be positive at work.  Always.  I mean, when you come in to work and you're negative, it rubs off on everyone else."  Well, okay, do you remember a time when your positive attitude helped someone in your life?  *Blank stare.*  Obviously the answer is no.

I'd like to hear about what frustrates you about your current position or a recent job you've had. What is it and what have you done to alleviate your frustration?  Her response: "Oh, I don't know how to answer that.  Nothing about my current job frustrates me and I don't remember being frustrated in any of my more recent positions."  You ma'am, are a fucking liar.  Capital L.  Little i, little a, little r, period.  

 What is the worst communication problem you've ever experienced?  "Not communicating."  Uh hunh....can you tell me about that time?  What happened and what did you do in that situation?  "Well, there isn't a specific time, but when your team isn't communicating, then things just don't work out.  You know what I mean?"

I just wanted to hit my head against the table by this point.

Interview tip:  Get your shit straight before the interview so you can answer the fucking questions.  I understand that there are some people who are not great at thinking on their feet.  I'm one of those people.  I want to give good answers, so I like time to think, but that's not completely reasonable in an interview.   I actually have to practice what my answers to these types of questions would be.  That way, I am already in the right frame of mind going in, so it's less likely I'll get tripped up.

I'm not exactly sure if that was her problem.  She did tell me at one point that she really couldn't think of a way to answer the question, "What was the best decision you've made in the last 6 months and why?"  I understood, because I couldn't tell you on the spot either, so I gave her a pass on the question and went back to it later.  Her response, "I reorganized my files."  That was just the answer I needed to put my entire head on fire.  Thanks.


Today I called the recruiter to give her feedback and couldn't immediately find the right words.  I started out, "Well, she comes across as kind of...."  The word I was looking for was unresponsive, but I couldn't quite spit it out.  Recruiter guesses, "Unpolished, unprofessional, unfriendly, not ready at all to work with people?"

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!  If she felt that way, then why the hell did she send this woman over to waste my time?  She is supposed to be the "quality control."  That's why she does a pre-screening interview, so we only (theoretically) get candidates that fit what we're looking for.

Then, as if I wasn't already set to throttle her, she says, "Well, keep in mind that, if you don't make your selection and get a new hire processed by May 13th, you're not going to get a chance again until after June 1st.

Then stop sending me bullshit applicants, asshole.