Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Friday, December 31, 2010

Righteous Indignation




On the heels of recovering from both the black plague and ebola (um, strep and a crazy stomach bug), the last thing I needed was the possibility of having to break up a cat fight in my lobby.

It isn't often that our customers talk to one another, and the conversations are usually helpful and friendly when it does happen. Yesterday was the exception.

An older lady came in and decided that we wanted to hear all about her harrowing experience of being asked for spare change in our parking lot. She made it sound like she just escaped an ass-raping.

A younger lady heard her nowhere-near-death tale and, surprisingly, wasn't moved. The conversation that followed didn't start off too wildly, but it declined. Fast.

Young: If you don't feel comfortable getting out of your car in this neighborhood, there are other locations you can go to.

Old: No, I know. I like coming here, but I just didn't feel safe when he approached me.

Young: Well, he was probably just hungry. I don't know why anyone would be afraid of a hungry person.

Old: It wasn't that he was hungry, he looked like he was on meth.

Young: Well, when I first saw you, I thought you were on meth.

Old: I'm not continuing this conversation with you.

Young: [something about Old being too good to talk to anyone]

Old: [something about Young growing up]

Young: [something immature and hippyish]

Old: [something about Young having a nice life]

(I don't know, after the meth comment they started talking over one another. This is what I picked out anyway.)

Now, of course, it's completely amusing, but yesterday I wanted to grab both of those two by the scruff of the neck and shake 'em.

And so ends 2010. Happy New Year!
Sunday, December 5, 2010

Build Your Own Hell

While I'm recovering from ebola (strep), I have plenty of time for extra-curricular activities, such as building my own Hell:

Riceboys
Circle I Limbo
Hipsters
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind
PETA Members
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow
General asshats
Circle IV Rolling Weights
Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled
River Styx
Militant Vegans
Circle VI Buried for Eternity
River Phlegyas
Osama bin Laden
Circle VII Burning Sands
Scientologists
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement
NAMBLA Members
Circle IX Frozen in Ice
Design your own hell
Saturday, December 4, 2010

Online Articles



I'm either a simple girl or a spoiled one.  One of those character traits means that I enjoy uncomplicated interactions with the things around me.

For instance, when I'm online trying to read news and information articles, I like to browse a list of titles and click on the ones that sound interesting or informative and read (or, to be more accurate, skim for highlights).  Here are the 2 things I don't want to see when I click on a link:

1. Videos: If I wanted to watch a video of a news article, I would just tune in to the fucking news.  I'm online because I seriously just want to silently skim read articles at my leisure.  What I don't want is a surprise check on the volume of my speakers.  Getting blasted away by a news clip on the nutritional value of seeds is not how I prefer to start the morning.  Or even better, when I'm treated to a surprise Old Navy ad.  I have never shopped at Old Navy, exclusively because their commercials are super obnoxious.

2. The never-ending chain of links:  This one usually goes like... "Oh hey! An article on how to stay healthy during the holidays.  I think I'd like to read that...." *click* "Where's the damn article?  Oh, there it is, buried halfway down the page as a small blurb...curious.  Okay, so I'll just click on this one...." *click*  "What the fuck is this?!  A slideshow?  A 30-part slideshow?  Are you fucking kidding me?  Can no one just write paragraphs in a column anymore?  WHY??????!!!!!!"  The rage I feel by the time I get to slide 9 ruins the whole article-reading experience for me.  By then I feel like I'm trapped reading a shitty Choose Your Own Adventure book.  It's also usually where I give up reading.

So, news folk, please remember: words, columns, the end.