Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

About Me

My Photo
You will be blinded by my awesomeness.
View my complete profile

Anti-Tool Committee

Other Awesome Blogs

Blog Widget by LinkWithin
Monday, March 28, 2011

Your Timing Is Off...And Other Fun Memories From Today

"We just wanted to bring a few things over for you and your tiny daughter."

I knew today was going to be difficult after yesterday's phone call.  I was not expecting the infuriating blunderfest that MisManager made of the day.

1. We have a meeting every Monday.  For today's meeting, we had invited a guest speaker.  It was one of our business partners who comes into the office frequently enough that he is well-acquainted with everyone, but not so often that he's "one of the family."  Instead of waiting until our guest had said his piece and giving everyone a chance to think about his advice, MisManager decided to make the announcement right away.

This went something like:
I have some news this morning.  Last night I got an unexpected call from (widowed employee).  Her husband died.  I guess it was a heart attack.  Right now, we need to do everything we can to help her out.  Mostly just keep her in your prayers.  So, Steve, you're here this morning to talk to us about....
I could have slapped her.  Of course, our business partner was stunned and didn't recover from having to follow a death announcement. We'll probably have to invite him back to try it again.

2. The advice she gave during her careless speech was that we should "do everything we can to help her out."  Widow Employee is a very private person under normal circumstances.  These are extremely trying circumstances.  The last thing we want to do is "everything we can."  What she really needs from us is to respect her privacy and leave her the fuck alone.

I decided around the middle of the day to express my concerns to MisManager, because I was very afraid that some members of our staff (like EVM, who naturally preys on anyone in need) would take the comment as an open invitation to hound the poor woman.  I did not expect her to admit that she'd been trying to talk everyone else on the staff into delivering food to the grieving family.

I don't know how I found big girl words to mask my rage as I delicately explained to her that she may want to rethink bombarding a person in mourning with more food than she and her daughter could eat.  Knowing the aggrieved, the statement we would make would be, "I'm sorry your husband died and whatever. Mind if we just barge in here and make you store some food that you're going to throw away later?"

3. In this same conversation, I asked her if she had called one of our former employees who is pretty close to Widow Employee.  She tells me that she is "not proactively calling anyone."  Like this is a sales call.  She then advised me not to tell our former coworker unless I "just happened to be talking to her."  She also made a few other comments that insinuated that I'd just asked her if we called everyone who ever knew Widow.  I just wanted to call someone that I know she considers a friend.  Way to exaggerate my intentions.

So, naturally, I called anyway.  Fuck that noise.  I can only imagine if she found out from someone else.  She would be very upset.

4. On the way home from work today, I told Mr. A that he's not allowed to die while I still work for MisManager.

Apparently her lack of tact is rubbing off on me.
Sunday, March 27, 2011

I Guess She's Sad Or Something

I got a call tonight from MisManager.  She wanted me to know before we made it into the office tomorrow that a coworker's husband had just had a heart attack and passed away.  It wasn't a complete shock, as he had been unhealthy for a while, but nonetheless, it was still a sad announcement.  My heart immediately went out to his wife and daughter.

I was a little distracted in my sympathy, though, by the turn the conversation took:

We will have to look at the schedule when we get in, because she won't be back to work for a week.  I guess she's pretty sad about this...
All I could say was, "Wow."  She thought I was talking about the news.

We have to make this announcement to the staff tomorrow.  I sincerely hope she works on that line a little before the morning meeting.

Rest in peace, Brett.
Monday, March 21, 2011

How Do You Know You're Bored?

When you have an unexpected day off because your older child has an out-of-nowhere fever, and the most productive thing you've done all day is watch this:

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Professional Dress Code

As much as I'd like to say that man/woman workplace equality has progressed to a state where both sides get fair and equal treatment, there is one area that needs considerable improvement:

Dress Code

Men at my work are expected to wear long sleeved dress shirts, a tie, and dress slacks (in 100+ degree desert heat, no less), while women get to come in dressed in short sleeved, light cotton shirts, capri pants and dress sandals.

Being a woman, I hate to complain about something that would seem to be an advantage, but is it really?  Most of the time, I ignore the normal female dress wear in favor of a suit.  Why?  Because if I don't, then clients ask my brand new male employees to come override my judgement when they don't agree with me.  

It's happened.  I don't really blame the person either.  The men are dressed like serious professionals.  I'm dressed like their daughter who just borrowed $50.00.  After a couple of those misunderstandings, I decided that coming to work dressed like I mean business is a lot more important to me (and my staff) than looking frilly.  

I don't feel like I'm "butching out" or losing my femininity in any way in a suit.  I can still wear my cutesy shirts under my suit jacket and accessorize well.  I can also occasionally find a pair of dressy sandals.  It's really not bad at all.

Ever since I've become aware of this discrepancy, I get irritated when I see it elsewhere.  Nowhere more infuriating than on the morning news, though.  It's probably because I'm watching before my coffee's kicked in, but I get annoyed as all hell when I see this:

I'm not sure what men's alternative styles would look like, but this is the official beginning of my plea to end fashion oppression.*

*This is the official end.  I'm really not a fighter.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Way To Take Things Personally (Very Long...So Sorry!)

No, seriously, if I knew this was going to turn into such a thing, I would have written about it as it went.  Stick with the story for tons of craziness.

After a long hiatus from this blog, MisManager is making a big comeback.

The back story:

Almost 2 months ago, we started interviewing to replace one of my employees (no matter the position in my company, there are always 2 managers involved in the interviewing process).  We ended up with 3 very good applicants and 1 very crazy, stalkerish one.

The very first candidate we interviewed, I loved.  MisManager hated.  Hated with a passion I could not even begin to describe with words.  What bought the applicant her own car on MisManager's Hate Train?  During the interview, Applicant admitted that she gets frustrated when her current manager doesn't communicate properly.  I can totally relate to her frustration.  It's something that I go through with MisManager daily.  It's no wonder MisManager took the comments personally.  In our post interview meeting:

MisManager: So...what'd you think?
Awesomeness: I really liked her.  I thought she answered our questions thoroughly and already has a strong work ethic and sales background.  She has a very open personality that will fit in well with the current staff.
MisManager: I did not like her at all.  I have some serious concerns about her maturity and did you hear her response about her manager?  You don't bash your manager in an interview.  She'll poison the staff with her negativity.  Also, I disagree that she'll get along with the staff.  She and EmployeeVonMunchausen will clash.  Big time.

Okaaaaay.  First of all, guess what the number one response has been in an interview to the question, "What is your biggest frustration in your current position?"  Communication.  I would give it, off the top of my head, about an 80% answer rate.  It leads to some rough times and it's a very valid frustration.

Applicant's answer was very oriented toward the lacking behavior and spoke very intelligently about the effects it has on her and the rest of the staff.  In no way did she "bash her manager."

Second of all, I think that rubbing EVM the wrong way is a good thing.  She needs to get shaken out of her little tree every now and again.  The rest of my current staff allows her to sulk and whine.  They just enable her to be a mopey asshole and I need troops to support my efforts to draw her out.

MisManager disagreed with that assessment (even though she always talks about how outstanding I am at managing interpersonal conflict...this is my thing, lady, leave me to it).  Applicant was off the table.  This was unfortunate, because she was very good.

Flash forward 2 weeks, we now have a couple of other interviews out of the way and settled on the 3rd candidate.  He was everything we were looking for and he managed not to "bash his manager" during the interview.

Except, he decided to turn into a dick about pay.  He currently makes $10.00/hour + bonus.  We were offering him $11.00/hour + bonus with no previous experience in our line of work.  He wanted $12.50/hour + bonus and he wasn't budging.  I have employees that have been with me for 3 years that barely make $12.50/hour.  There's no way.  Douchey move, dude.

So, this left MisManager and I discussing our Plan  B prospect.  I thought it was a no-brainer, since she seemed to have such a serious problem with Applicant #1.  Nope.

MisManager: (speaking of Applicant #1) I think that she'll really be the best fit for us overall.
Awesomeness: What happened to your concerns about her answers regarding communication?  You felt very strongly about that.
MisManager: I don't think that we have communication issues here, so that wouldn't really concern me.

She does this to me.  Oh my fucking god, it drives me batshit crazy.

So we offer the position to Applicant #1, and she accepts.  She gladly accepts the same offer of pay that the last guy turned down and is excited to come aboard.  Then the real fun begins.

MisManager: When can she start?
Awesomeness: She's got to give her 2 week notice, then she'll need to start the following Monday.  That puts her start date on Feb. 28.
MisManager: Why didn't she already give her notice?
Awesomeness: .... Because she hadn't gotten the job before today.
MisManager: We need someone in here sooner than this.  She's not really leaving me with a good feeling.

Oh crap.  Here we go again.  I put in an effort to try to reason with her.  It's illogical that someone would quit their current job before their new one is a done deal.  She wasn't listening.  Her point of view was that Applicant should have put in her notice on the first day that our Human Resources called her to extend the position.  This is not a one-day process though.

  • H.R. calls applicant.  Applicant may not get their voicemail right away because they're working or in school
  • Next day, applicant calls back.  They discuss hours and pay.  Applicant accepts.
  • Applicant goes through a thorough background check.  This takes 2 days.
  • Applicant gets drug tested. Results take up to 3 days.
From the time we offer the job, to the time we send an official welcome letter, it's usually a week to a week and a half.

Today's issue:

Applicant has finally started.  This is her second week with us.  She is fitting in so well with my staff that it's almost like she's been there for years.  She's catching on to her job very quickly.  I love the way this is working out.

Then Applicant, referred to hereafter as New Girl, lets slip that, while she was waiting for over a week for us to go through our long new hire selection process, her counterpart at her current job hurt herself and is now on medical leave.  So New Girl has quit, but her official end date was extended a bit because she's staying on, very part-time, to help them out until the other employee comes back.  I appreciate that kind of loyalty.

New Girl hasn't said anything about needing any special consideration, so I'm left to ask if she feels that her responsibilities to her old job are going to cause a scheduling issue with our position.  The answer is a very quick and decisive, "NO!"  Our job is her primary focus.  I'm completely satisfied with this.

MisManager, however, has decided to take this as a personal affront and unleashed a barely coherent mass of fury on me the other day:

MisManager: I didn't even want her in the first place! (We knew this was coming.)  We gave her 2 weeks to quit that job (how magnanimous of us), so what the hell is she still doing there?  She lied to me.  She lied and I feel so betrayed right now.  She's not going to be here for long, you just wait and see.  How is she going to manage our job and this other job at the same time (people do it all the time; she's young, it's temporary, she'll survive)?  I'm going to have to sit her down some time today.  She needs to decide to either be here or be there.

Aw, shitballs.  Now I can't leave her with a free minute to corner New Girl.  This is not going to happen.  New Girl's old job does not interfere with this job.  I don't really care what she does in her free time.  I really don't.  She's not out whoring or drugging.  She's not flashing her tits on a webcam.  I'm good.  She's good.  We're all good.  If MisManager backs her into a weird spot right now, I'm not sure that she'll think this job is worth her time if she has to work for a fucking nutbar.

It's Wednesday morning and I'm already ready for the weekend.  And a stiff drink.
Saturday, March 5, 2011

The Waterbed (A Follow Up To "Waterbed City")

It's finally here!  The waterbed.  I hadn't though about owning one since I was a teenager, but now I finally do and I must admit that I should have gotten one sooner.  The thing is totally cool.

I especially love that it can be heated.  I've already told Mr. A that any time I feel like the old lady I am achy that I was going to remove the pillow top and just lay on the water...mattress...thingy.  (Whatever you call it.)  It's like a gigantic hot water bottle.

Here's what it looks like without the cover:

With the cover:

Now to talk Mr. A into some bedding I like.....
Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Shitty Service Pediatrics

I love my kids' pediatrician.  That woman is outstanding.  As a matter of fact, all of the doctors in that office are good people. The office staff, however, makes me want to tear shit up with a bat.

Awesomeness: I need to make an appointment for my kids to follow up with a doctor.  They've had ear infections and one seems to be okay, but the other doesn't seem to be doing better.  I can't make it in today, but I'd like to get them in tomorrow.

Awesomeness: Thanks.

Awesomeness: Is that the only appointment you have?  It doesn't really work well for me.  I have to work.

Awesomeness: Well, I don't have a choice, do I?  Book it.

So, now I have to:

  • Drive an hour into work for an hour and 1/2 of work.
  • Drive an hour back to pick up the kids.
  • Drive 1/2 an hour to the doctor's office.
  • Drive 1/2 an hour back to the house, drop off the kids.
  • Drive an hour back into work for 3 hours of work.
  • Drive an hour back home.
I'm not looking forward to this.  Mr. A is hiding the bats.