Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Saturday, December 4, 2010

Online Articles



I'm either a simple girl or a spoiled one.  One of those character traits means that I enjoy uncomplicated interactions with the things around me.

For instance, when I'm online trying to read news and information articles, I like to browse a list of titles and click on the ones that sound interesting or informative and read (or, to be more accurate, skim for highlights).  Here are the 2 things I don't want to see when I click on a link:

1. Videos: If I wanted to watch a video of a news article, I would just tune in to the fucking news.  I'm online because I seriously just want to silently skim read articles at my leisure.  What I don't want is a surprise check on the volume of my speakers.  Getting blasted away by a news clip on the nutritional value of seeds is not how I prefer to start the morning.  Or even better, when I'm treated to a surprise Old Navy ad.  I have never shopped at Old Navy, exclusively because their commercials are super obnoxious.

2. The never-ending chain of links:  This one usually goes like... "Oh hey! An article on how to stay healthy during the holidays.  I think I'd like to read that...." *click* "Where's the damn article?  Oh, there it is, buried halfway down the page as a small blurb...curious.  Okay, so I'll just click on this one...." *click*  "What the fuck is this?!  A slideshow?  A 30-part slideshow?  Are you fucking kidding me?  Can no one just write paragraphs in a column anymore?  WHY??????!!!!!!"  The rage I feel by the time I get to slide 9 ruins the whole article-reading experience for me.  By then I feel like I'm trapped reading a shitty Choose Your Own Adventure book.  It's also usually where I give up reading.

So, news folk, please remember: words, columns, the end.

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