Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Monday, September 14, 2009

Douche Of The Day Award

I'm coming out from under my rock to bring you the first ever Douche Of The Day Award.  On my "Tool" blog.  Who cares.  I haven't slept for, like, a month so fuck it.  And the nominees are:

Irony Lady: Your "I Get My Energy From The Sun" bumper sticker on your gas guzzling truck, that obviously hasn't passed emissions for a long time, was good for a smile.  But then you had to spew stacks of cigarette smoke into the air and block my access to the energy-giving sun.  You're a douche.

Wife Man:  You're not your wife.  As much as you think you're clever in trying to pretend that we're too stupid to know the difference, we actually interact with your wife a lot and understand that she is, in fact, a lady.  One whose voice registers in, what would be considered, an average female range.  Oh, and she's Korean.  You don't even try to pull off the accent.  Why?  'Cuz you're a douche.

Not-So-Secret Agent Wife:  Okay, so you don't even hide the fact that you're calling to check up on what your husband is up to.  Lucky for him, my staff just got a good reminder of why the Consumer Privacy Act trumps community property laws.  You're outta luck douche.

Obsessive "Commercial" Guy:  I know what a "commercial" business is.  It's a business that keeps multi-millions of dollars on it's books at any given time.  It's a business that typically either has multiple offices or franchises.  It is not some stupid dickhead that has one customer and only gets paid once every 3 months.  Stop calling me telling me that my manager made some deal of the century with you because you're a bigshot commercial business man.  All. Day Long.  I have better things to do than to explain the same 4 things over and over again.  I eventually had to -- very rudely -- tell you that if you couldn't wait patiently for my manager's return to clarify the terms of the business she set, then the answer to everything you're requesting is "NO!" and "I DON'T CARE!"  Now look up the word "commercial" as it relates to "business" you douche.


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