Don't Be A Complete Tool

We leave work at around the same time every day.  For some reason, CluelessMagoo, you seem to have this weird temporal disconnect that prohibits you from experiencing your day in real-time.  Every night we have to wait while it takes you close to 5 minutes to pack your damn laptop into its bag and shuffle your papers around like you just noticed 'em. 

Today was not a good day for this routine.  We were already late leaving and I had about 5 minutes to get my kid before I was past the 10 hour maximum that I can leave her at preschool.  I warned you a few times that we needed to go and asked if you'd like us to leave you behind.  You declined, stating that you were just about done.  My ass.

You don't want to stay by yourself because you don't trust the neighborhood.  I don't blame you.  The days that I don't see a drug deal or a pussy purchase take place in the parking lot are rare.  There is an extremely unstable homeless guy who lives in our dumpster.  Working next door to a liquor store that gets robbed at all hours of the day at least once a week is unsettling to say the least.  I wouldn't be caught dead in that neighborhood by myself.  Well, I guess the point is that I actually would get caught dead if I hung around that neighborhood by myself...

What was I saying?

Oh yeah, next time I'm just going to leave your befuddled behind to stave off these wackos.  I can't get Child Protective Services called on me because you're too stupid to have worked out that whole leaving routine we do where we lock up our stuff and turn off our computers.  Oh, and the turning off the lights thing.  Usually a dead giveaway.