Don't Be A Complete Tool

To all the assholes on the road tonight: when you finally Darwin yourself into oblivion, don't take me with you.

Landscapers:
Red means stop.  Red at a 6-way overpass means REALLY, REALLY STOP!
iPod Guy:
Take your fucking headphones off.  That emergency vehicle you can't hear might just be on its way to your mom's house, you stupid loser.
Winnebago Fucker:
You're towing a car with a Winnebago.  You're not driving a scooter.  Be a little more observant of your exits so you don't feel obligated to cut off 2 lanes of traffic.  AND USE YOUR TURN SIGNALS.
Stealth Racer:
Riding up my ass is dumb enough.  I'm universally renowned for spacing out and needing to stomp my brakes.  Doing it without your lights on is suicide.
Sunday Driver:
The speed limit is already 30.  Going 25 MPH in front of the 4 other cars trying to drive that road just because you wanted to finish listening to a song before you got home is un-neighborly.  You should be ashamed of yourself.

Yeah, that was me.