Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood?

To the neighbor who lives directly behind me:

  • Stop looking over the fence into my yard.  Yeah, I know it looks like crap, but I really don't care.  We're never in the yard, so we don't feel like wasting time and money on it.  When I look out every now and then to see your weirdo head pop up, I just want to make a mad dash for the pellet gun.
  • Your dog is not a lawn ornament.  When you leave it out all day, that barking that you hear...well so does the rest of the neighborhood.  The sound is not just contained to your yard, asshole.  We live at a spot that's conveniently located around 2 airports and an Air Force Base.  Every time a plane flies overhead -- which is roughly every 5 minutes -- the critter goes insane and we can't really hear much of anything else for the next 15 minutes.
  • And now that it's night time, do you hear that other noise?  That would be howling.  Your dog does that all night long.  Maybe it keeps you up too.  We've got so much in common.  Well, except for...
  • The 40 tons of dog crap that's piled up in your back yard.  You know, I don't need the creepy ladder to look over the fence into your yard.  I've got a second story window.  My view is supposed to be of mountains.  I find myself distracted by the sight of your backyard shit hills.
If you don't get your act together soon, I may be forced to break into your house, dress you up in fur and leave you in your shit-covered yard in 115 degree heat for a day just to see how you like it.