Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Awesomeness
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Sunday, March 21, 2010

Yeah, I Got Nuthin...

The last couple of weeks I've been hiding under a rock. I haven't really been doing it intentionally.  I log in every day, check out other people's blogs, stare blankly at my dashboard, then log out again.

The bad times started when my daughter got sick, then plummeted downhill when I got sick,  took a turn for the worst when Mr. A got sick, then when my daughter got sick...again...I just gave up.  Fuck this.  I'm tired of having the "should we take her to Urgent Care" conversation.  Unfortunately, that's the only conversation I'm actually capable of right now.

Here's how I've been occupying my time since my brainpower has completely deserted me (if the Blogger bugs don't kill my post...I know there's nothing wrong with my ENTER key, Blogger):

Police Women of Maricopa County



I was very curious as to how TLC was going to present this.  It's a show about the women who work in the Maricopa County (Arizona) Sheriff's Office.  This is my 'hood.  I was hoping that they would show women who have managed to master the art of being assertive without turning into a harpy.  Women who were wise and patient when they needed to be, then could ram a boot up an ass when the situation called for it.

Instead I got women who were obviously dolled up for the camera.  They get sent out either on complete crap assignments or into situations where they're obviously there to get the cameras on the scene.

One officer was on the trail of a dangerous deadbeat dad.  That scene ended with pepperballs and K9 dogs.  He wasn't even threatening anyone with a weapon or taunting the cops.  He wasn't wanted because he killed the baby of a nun while it was holding a puppy.  He just ran and hid in a shed.

There's another officer who is a 'negotiator', which is scary to me because she's inarticulate as all hell.  She reminds me of the reject contestant from American Idol this season. The one who jumped up and down in front of the mirror.  "You're wicked awesome!"  She gives off an intensely stupid vibe.  Even though, I do have to give her points for using the word 'ironic' correctly in a sentence.

The one scene where she's actually supposed to talk a guy down, the dude kills himself.  I think it was the easy way out of talking to her.

They keep sending one woman (the only one I actually like) out on very obvious shit calls.  One where a crazy woman swears that her disabled roommate is running into her room at night, peeing on her, and then running away before she can catch him.  Now, this lady also had about 15 or so dogs running all over her house.  Additionally, she didn't look all that stable herself, and was absolutely a good candidate for some bedwetting.  Crazy woman made the cop take her panties away in a paper bag... I could NOT do that job.

Now that I'm all on a "portrayal of females on TV" kick, the kids have picked up on a new Nickelodeon show:

Team Umizoomi





This is a video of the end of every episode where they encourage your kids to fake a seizure.

Team Umizoomi is a brother/sister superhero team that pairs up with their robot friend "Bot" (I won't make fun, I have a cat named Kitty). The robot takes calls on his belly screen and can also somehow produce whatever random items they need to complete their mission.

The brother is Geo. He can make things out of shapes that spring out of his belt.

The sister is Milli. Her super power? She makes pretty patterns with her dress. She also measures things with her ponytails. I think they threw the measurement thing in there just to make her seem a little more useful. Really, though? Geo can make a ruler with his shapes or Bot can just pull one out of his ass. So how useful is Milli? So useless. Your main power is to look pretty, honey.

And just before I absolutely lose the last of my mind, I find a show that reminds me that I'm not at all a bra burning, bushy-pitted feminazi:

The IT Crowd

Thank you so much Netflix!

Of course, I can't embed a clip, so here's a link instead.

The IT Crowd is a British comedy (stay with me!) about a woman with no knowledge of computers who gets tossed into the basement office of a company's I.T. department. The show was so damn funny (not really the pilot, but the rest of them) that I wasn't even offended in the slightest when they based most of the 2nd episode on the woman going shoe crazy and insisting on wearing shoes that were 2 sizes (at least) too small.

So with any luck, and about 20 more hours of sleep, I should be back to my old, crotchety self in no time. 

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

There's a lot of women in software development in Andrew's company. 'Course, they're all from India, where there isn't such a stigma for girls to enter those fields. What is up with most shoes portraying women as all supposedly obsessed with shoes? I mean, really!

-- Wen

Awesomeness said...

Uh, aren't you into shoes Wen? LOL.

I know what you mean though. I think it's just an easy thing to make fun of. Just like in another episode where she convinces the boys that they've synchronized to her period. Frickin' hilarious!

Candice said...

Sounds like you need to clorox the fuck out of your house. ;)

I hope you are all better soon.

Awesomeness said...

Ugh, I did!

What we really need is to toss everyone into a solitary quarantine for at least 2 weeks while a team in hazmat suits comes through and Cloroxes the fuck out of my house.