Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Sunday, April 25, 2010

Out Of Commission

I have the Plague. 

This last week was spent in a lather, rinse, repeat-style cycle:  Work, home, cold medicine coma.  I did have the opportunity to observe some people in true fuckwad form, but I couldn't stir myself from the clutches of pestilence long enough to care or write about it.  I'll try it now (as I am not currently on any medication....I probably should be, but I'm not).

What brought on the ass clowns?  A network outage.  Yep, for 4 hours we had no access to client information.  We Scooby Dooed together a weird backdoor access path to some of their info.  I was actually pretty impressed by the ingenuity.  Otherwise, we would have had to turn away about 90% of the people who came in for services that day.

The other 10%, well we had to turn them away anyway.  As in: "Dude, I will call you when we're back online and take care of you over the phone so as not to inconvenience you further, but right now there's nothing we can do."

Where did this get us?

Fuckwad #1:  "You people are ridiculous!  I can't believe you can't access my information.  What else are you good for?"

Oh, again with the 'you people'.  I fucking hate that shit.  And how were we ridiculous again?  Network outages happen everywhere that computers are networked.  It's the law of computers.  What else are we good for?  Well, anything within our scope of responsibilities that doesn't require a computer.  It just happened that the only thing you needed today involved us accessing your records.  Sucks.  I'll call ya later.

This fuckwad called us assholes on the way out the door.

Fuckwad #2: "Can you tell me....?" "No?  Okay."  "Well, then can you tell me....?" "No?  What the fuck?!"

Seriously, what part of "no access to those records" do you not understand?  I'll call you later with the information you're requesting.  CHILL OUT!

This fuckwad flipped us off on the way out the door.

Fuckwad #3: "You people are making a big mistake."

I didn't even know what to say to such a ludicrous statement.  He was the only person who walked in during the Great Information Blackout of 2010 who we couldn't even identify as a client because our cutesy little backdoor access shenanigans didn't work with him as he was just a proxy.  Also, what exactly was our mistake?  Causing the outage?  We didn't.  Not just making up the information he needed?  We couldn't, we're really not that creative.  Not pulling out our magic wands and abracadabraing the computers back to life?  Fuck, you got us.

This fuckwad spent 15 minutes in our faces cussing at us before leaving the office, still cussing and threatening our jobs.

Dude, you can have this job.  Dealing with shithead assholes like you is not something anyone gets paid enough to do. 

The computers came back online 15 minutes after Fuckwad #3 left.  No one called him.


Anonymous said...

"You people are making a big mistake!" WTF? Really? What a stupidly ridiculous thing to say.

-- Wendy

Candice said...

I'm beginning to wonder if you word for my Husband's company.

Awesomeness said...

We don't have offices in Texas, but Arizonans do try to mimic Texans in every way. This must also carry over to consumer attitudes. :)