Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Awesomeness
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Monday, April 26, 2010

Who Do You Hit With Your Purse?

Your choices are:

Cell Phone Screamer


Don't laugh.  This is not really that far off from what she actually looked like.

When Mr. A and I get to the grocery store tonight, this is all we hear on our walk to the front doors:

"...AND THE KIDS WERE ALL CRYING AND THE ADULTS WERE CRYING AND I WAS ALL LIKE OH MY GOD WHAT'S GOING ON AND THE POOR KID COULDN'T EVEN TALK AND THEN THE GIRL WHO DOES THE YOUTH MINISTRY YOU KNOW MARY WELL SHE WAS ALL CRYING AND I WAS LIKE WHAT HAPPENED AND SHE WAS ALL OH MY GOD SHE HIT ME AND I WAS LIKE WHAT!! OH NO SHE DIDN'T! AND SHE WAS LIKE SHE TOTALLY DID AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE SHE WOULD DO THAT SO I CALLED..."

Holy Hell, lady.  If you talked any louder, you wouldn't even need a phone.  I don't care if the person you were talking to lived in Pittsburgh, they could've heard you clearly.


Your other purse slapping choice is:


Mr. A





 He's handsome and shit.

After about 15 seconds of listening to Cellphone Screamer, he decides to VERY loudly mock her.  So I'm stuck between her stupidity and...

"LIKE OH MY GOD! I'M TOTALLY IN A PARKING LOT AND I CAN'T TALK LOUD ENOUGH! I DON'T THINK THE PEOPLE ON THE OTHER END OF THE COUNTY CAN HEAR ME!  MAYBE IF I TALK LOUDER PEOPLE WILL PAY MORE ATTENTION TO ME! WHAT?! WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE SOME JACKASS IS YELLING OVER ME RIGHT NOW..."

Okay, I added that last part.

So who do you hit with your purse?

2 comments:

Jeane said...

I am in-line with Mr. A. I think I ran into your phone screamer once. She was super loud and so I got irritated and started humming. She actually asked me to tone it down because she couldn't hear HERSELF talk!
She gets purse slapped.
Great blog.

Awesomeness said...

Thanks Jeane!

And you win for guessing correctly. Unfortunately, your prize is extra smugness for being a smarty-pants, but I think you can handle it.

I totally slugged the crap outta Mr. A with my purse. It weirded me out, because in the 15 years or so we've been together, I've never hit him before.

Also, what I didn't mention, Cellphone Screamer did get a lot quieter after that. :D

Mission accomplished.

Sorta.