Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Awesomeness
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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

How To Piss Off Your Boss



I knew yesterday was going to be an off day when EmployeeVonMunchausen showed up 5 minutes late with breakfast from Sonic.  Because nothing says, "I totally could've made it to work on time, but fuck you," like strolling in late with breakfast.

She follows that up with an indignant remark about us opening the office doors before she'd gotten a chance to get her desk ready.

Then comes the barrage of asinine questions: 
"Awesomeness, the software that runs our daily reports isn't working.  We got a message saying it's down at every office.  What do you want me to do?"  
Um, wait until it's working again and then pull the reports.

"Awesomeness, my sales tracking software is still not working!  What do you want me to do?"
The same thing I wanted you to do on Friday, when you first reported the problem.  Call tech support and have them figure it out.  That's, like, their job and stuff.

"Awesomeness, I have a phone call for MisManager, but she's got a client.  What do you want me to do?"
(No, really.) I want you to take a message or send the client to her voicemail.

Anything after that, I battled the urge to say, "I want you to banish yourself to an alternate dimension."

We were short-handed because "Carlos's" last day was the previous Thursday and Jailbait is on vacation.  I'm trying to juggle in some interviews to replace "Carlos" and this is really my #1 priority.  I needed her to be on top of her game today.  Instead, I got this bungler that thought it was appropriate to procrastinate her lunch by half an hour, thereby screwing me out of half an hour of my lunch.  This was time I desperately needed so I could readjust my mental focus before continuing on with interviews.

Then the final straw: she couldn't figure out how to resolve her work at the end of the day.  There are some things that can't wait until the next day to get sorted out.  She managed to find every single one of those things and fuck it up.

Does she really have to ax murder someone to get fired?  (Sadly, I'm convinced the answer is yes.)

Interestingly, my horoscope agrees that a come-to-Jesus is in order.  This really was written just for me.  The only thing missing is my name.


January 19, 2011

  1. TaurusTaurus (4/20-5/20)
    Uh oh. You've been trying and trying and trying some more to Just Say No to being mad -- still -- but you just can't seem to get rid of that urge to let go and let you-know-who have it. The problem is that just about everyone around you -- even those not ordinarily prone to 'yessing' you for brownie points -- seems to agree. Oh, this one calls for drastic measures. How about a sit-down talk? A 'state of the relationship' kind of thing? Neutral turf and chaperones/advisors are a must.

2 comments:

allgrowedup said...

You and I are having the same day I see...cept I don't have an EVM, I have a MAGU...that's right. Mr. AGU is now just MAGU...think I may even change it to Magoo...just for shits and giggles.

And since we are both taureans obviously we both need to have a come to jeebus meeting...

Awesomeness said...

Well, that would explain why it didn't have a name. :D

Don't forget your neutral turf and advisor (and a sedative...just in case).