Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Awesomeness
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Thursday, February 3, 2011

Coldmageddon




Citizens of Phoenix:

You all are the whiniest motherfuckers EVER.  It got cold yesterday.  Get over it.  You have to put up with 37F, beautiful, sunny weather while the rest of the country is buried in ice.

It's not raining.  It's not snowing.  It's barely windy.  The only reason you notice the wind is because the low temps make it kinda chilly.

I left the house without jacket or gloves yesterday.  Me.  The girl who resides in a house kept at 75F and feels the need to dress in sweats and socks and is currently covered in a heavy comforter.  Brrrrr.

You, at large, left your house in motherfucking parkas.  Dramatic?  A thick sweater really would do, you dicks.

The accidents on the road: unbelievable.  You would think that there really was ice everywhere with as much as you people were crashing into one another.  There were 3 accidents within a half-mile of my work as I was leaving.  Mr. A went around these and found himself trudging by another accident a mile down the road.

You are not in the arctic.  You are not even in the Midwest.  You need to collectively man up and deal with the fact that it was chilly for 2 fucking days in your desert paradise.

Sunday's projected temp: 71F.  The rest of the country will still be buried in snow and your spoiled ass will be golfing.

Shut the fuck up.

4 comments:

allgrowedup said...

lol sounds like here...

Candice said...

Fucking wah is right. Especially after dealing with single digit temps here in Dallas. ;)

Launa said...

Okay, so I didn't know you had more then one blog... but this one cracks me up just as much as the kid posts!! We live in southern california and we had a business associate come into town from the midwest when we had a "big storm" coming in and he was worried it would get crazy. Of course, the "big storm" blew on through and the weather was phenomenally beautiful (if a bit cool for us here!) What bums we are!! Watch out for "Storm Watch 2011!!" We might get half an inch of rain!!

Awesomeness said...

I have 3 because I paint myself into niche-y corners with them. I'm all over the friggin' internet. :X

We've only had 2 significant storms in the 10 years I've lived here. One that blew over a tree (oooh, watch out!) and one that caused hail damage.

That one was pretty bad...otherwise, it's always very mild here.