Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Monday, May 9, 2011

Of Course You Like Him....

Round two of the interviews occurred today.  There were two candidates for this round.  I was very optimistic about one of the applicants, because he seemed fantastic on paper.

Notice my careful wording.

We interviewed Mr. Amazing first.  He was very charming.  He smiled in all the right places and gave us great answers to all of our questions.  He absolutely lived up to my expectations.

So why won't I consider hiring him?

He made it clear in the interview that he would be completely dissatisfied if he's not promoted in 6 months to 1 year.  He even reinforced that sentiment by explaining that he left the last job he had in our field because they wouldn't promote him.

We had to wonder why.  He claimed that the department he wanted to work for was very exclusive, but that didn't quite ring true, in the way that we felt he was leaving something out.  The industry I work in is immensely diverse.  It's not unusual to have a few different career paths in mind.  Personally, I have 2 different roads I want to eventually go down.  I know that I'll get my opportunity to do that in the next 2-3 years.

There was no way that Mr. Amazing was going to be fast-tracked into a position he wasn't ready for.  I'm a tough manager to work for in that respect.  Heck, Jailbait worked for me for over 2 years before he got his first promotion.  This kid would be quitting before I could get his business cards ordered.

He was a peach compared to the second interview though.  I was lukewarm about interviewing this one, since he had an application that my 5-year old could have written.  You know, attention to detail is very important.  I tend to put my word snobbery aside when it comes to interviews, because not everyone is a writer.  Most of our communication is verbal; so long as you've got great verbal skills, you'll be fine.  Besides, they're working for someone who practically pees herself over the opportunity to proofread.

No, really.  Sometimes that's my proudest moment all day.

"Tell me about a time when you've had a positive influence on the actions of another person."
I guess in church.
"Did you join a youth group, or a counselling group....?"
Yeah, I work with kids.
"Well, that's terrific!  Is there one particular moment that you're proud of?"
There's one kid that we hang out with a couple times a week.  Ball games and movies and stuff.
Every question turned into at least 5 with this guy.  So verbal skills were a big time strike out.

MisManager and I both agreed on the first guy.  We couldn't give him what he was looking for.  I didn't mind passing on him, though, since he also explained he had his apps in at a couple of different companies.  He will be a good addition to their staff.

I expected that the "after talk" on the second candidate would be a short one.  The kid can't talk, he can't write.  Don't get me wrong, we were treated to a 30-minute air drum solo.  (Yeah, the guy's actually a drummer.  We asked.)  He kept an even rhythm the whole time.  I will give him that.

MisManager: Oh, I thought he was really sweet. I liked him a lot.  
Awesomeness: I have to disagree.  He could barely talk to us.  I think he would be out of his league in a job that required hours of face-to-face contact with clients.
MisManager: Well, he's a lot like Jailbait and you like him!
Awesomeness: I agree that he has the same "quiet" sensibilities, but Jailbait is very well-thought out and actually speaks very eloquently.  This candidate is just not skilled enough in communication to succeed in this position.  The difference between him and Jailbait is that Jailbait has the amazing ability to make the most of the few words he uses; and as for this guy, listening to him talk is painful.  I felt bad for asking him questions. (No really.  It sounds like every word is pulled from his throat with a pair of rusty pliers.)
MisManager: I disagree with you.  He reminds me so much of my son.  He's quiet too, but he's sweet and he has the best sense of humor...

So there it is.  You're getting pissy because I won't hire the kid that reminds you of your son.  Well, lady, if your son interviewed that poorly too, I wouldn't hire him either.  If the guy we had in front of us was a girl, you wouldn't even be considering it.

She's making me sleep on a decision I've already made.


Keri said...

Geez.. Is this the same position you were talking about a couple of weeks ago? Seems crazy that you haven't already got several great people to choose from. I'm amazed that someone would blow himself out of the water the way Mr. Amazing did. PEOPLE! And wouldn't you know the woman I love to hate would like number 2.. and even admit a resemblance to her own son? LOL..

I (the unemployed one) love living vicariously through you (the employed one). It makes me feel better about my 'situation'.

I finally decided to dust off my Real Estate license as well as volunteer at a local hospital. One can not live on a blog alone.

Thank you so very much for coming to my new WP diggs. I'm hating it there (don't tell anyone) because it's so unfamiliar. Has Blogger dumbed me down you think? See you later. keri

Awesomeness said...

Yep, same position. HR just keeps sending me people who really aren't right for the job.

When I'm sitting there interviewing, I'm really looking for 3 overlying things:

1. Can I stand you for up to 10 hours per day?
2. Do you actually want to do this job? (Honestly, most of the time the answer is no. You can't do the job without wanting to. It just doesn't work.)
3.Can you talk to people for up to 10 hours per day without losing your shit?

If the people I get in front of me can't hit all those marks, I just say no. I've hired poorly in the past (EmployeeVonMunchausen) and I'm not going to do it again.

Also, you'll be happy to know that I talked MisManager out of #2.

As for Blogger vs. Wordpress, I just find Blogger to be superior in a lot of ways. Mainly because it offers a massive amount of function and doesn't require any technical skills to apply it.

I just wish it would work for you. :/

Pickleope said...

And it seems like you ask normal questions. I was once asked who would win in a fight, a flying gila monster, or a monkey that can breathe fire. They weren't kidding.

Awesomeness said...

Wooooow. I wouldn't know how to answer such an irrelevant question.

Sometimes to break the ice, I let my candidates know that I won't ask what kind of tree they'd be, but I am just joking.

Oh, and clearly the fire-breathing monkey has an advantage over the flying gila monster. ;)

77123970-568f-11e0-bd59-000bcdcb2996 said...

Can I get animal style with those fries?

Awesomeness said...