Don't Be A Complete Tool

Round two of the interviews occurred today.  There were two candidates for this round.  I was very optimistic about one of the applicants, because he seemed fantastic on paper.

Notice my careful wording.

We interviewed Mr. Amazing first.  He was very charming.  He smiled in all the right places and gave us great answers to all of our questions.  He absolutely lived up to my expectations.

So why won't I consider hiring him?

He made it clear in the interview that he would be completely dissatisfied if he's not promoted in 6 months to 1 year.  He even reinforced that sentiment by explaining that he left the last job he had in our field because they wouldn't promote him.

We had to wonder why.  He claimed that the department he wanted to work for was very exclusive, but that didn't quite ring true, in the way that we felt he was leaving something out.  The industry I work in is immensely diverse.  It's not unusual to have a few different career paths in mind.  Personally, I have 2 different roads I want to eventually go down.  I know that I'll get my opportunity to do that in the next 2-3 years.

There was no way that Mr. Amazing was going to be fast-tracked into a position he wasn't ready for.  I'm a tough manager to work for in that respect.  Heck, Jailbait worked for me for over 2 years before he got his first promotion.  This kid would be quitting before I could get his business cards ordered.

He was a peach compared to the second interview though.  I was lukewarm about interviewing this one, since he had an application that my 5-year old could have written.  You know, attention to detail is very important.  I tend to put my word snobbery aside when it comes to interviews, because not everyone is a writer.  Most of our communication is verbal; so long as you've got great verbal skills, you'll be fine.  Besides, they're working for someone who practically pees herself over the opportunity to proofread.

No, really.  Sometimes that's my proudest moment all day.

"Tell me about a time when you've had a positive influence on the actions of another person."

I guess in church.

"Did you join a youth group, or a counselling group....?"

Yeah, I work with kids.

"Well, that's terrific!  Is there one particular moment that you're proud of?"

There's one kid that we hang out with a couple times a week.  Ball games and movies and stuff.

Every question turned into at least 5 with this guy.  So verbal skills were a big time strike out.

MisManager and I both agreed on the first guy.  We couldn't give him what he was looking for.  I didn't mind passing on him, though, since he also explained he had his apps in at a couple of different companies.  He will be a good addition to their staff.

I expected that the "after talk" on the second candidate would be a short one.  The kid can't talk, he can't write.  Don't get me wrong, we were treated to a 30-minute air drum solo.  (Yeah, the guy's actually a drummer.  We asked.)  He kept an even rhythm the whole time.  I will give him that.

MisManager: Oh, I thought he was really sweet. I liked him a lot.  
Awesomeness: I have to disagree.  He could barely talk to us.  I think he would be out of his league in a job that required hours of face-to-face contact with clients.
MisManager: Well, he's a lot like Jailbait and you like him!
Awesomeness: I agree that he has the same "quiet" sensibilities, but Jailbait is very well-thought out and actually speaks very eloquently.  This candidate is just not skilled enough in communication to succeed in this position.  The difference between him and Jailbait is that Jailbait has the amazing ability to make the most of the few words he uses; and as for this guy, listening to him talk is painful.  I felt bad for asking him questions. (No really.  It sounds like every word is pulled from his throat with a pair of rusty pliers.)
MisManager: I disagree with you.  He reminds me so much of my son.  He's quiet too, but he's sweet and he has the best sense of humor...

So there it is.  You're getting pissy because I won't hire the kid that reminds you of your son.  Well, lady, if your son interviewed that poorly too, I wouldn't hire him either.  If the guy we had in front of us was a girl, you wouldn't even be considering it.

She's making me sleep on a decision I've already made.