Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Saturday, May 21, 2011


There are times when it's hard to remember why Mr. Awesomeness and I work well as a couple.  Then situations like today occur and I know, without a doubt, the tie that binds us together:

We're both immature assholes.

This works when times are good or bad.  If we get pissed at one another, there is no depth to which we won't sink in order to dig at one another (which is why we typically choose to ignore one another completely -- it's just better that way).  When we're happy with one another, we gang up on other people.  Kind of like a Mega Dickhead Power Ranger.

I ordered some pizza today and the dude dropping them off was way....awkward.  Our Asshole Super Powers hone right in on that and it turns into the makings of our inside joke of the week

Awkward Pizza Dude: Well, looks like I've got a real feast for you!
Awesomeness: Yep, it's a lot of pizza. (Did he just call me fat?)
Awkward Pizza Dude: Are you going to be okay or do you need some help with that?
Awesomeness: Uh....I'm fine, thanks.
Awkward Pizza Dude: Well then, have a great weekend!
Awesomeness: You too!
**door closes**
Awesomeness: Oh no!  Help me hunky pizza man!!  This pizza is sooo heavy and I need a man to help me carry it.
Mr. Awesomeness: Sounds like someone's seen too many bad pornos.  He might have some delivery guy fantasies.
Awesomeness: *bow-chicka-wow-wow* You know, the pizza's not the only thing that's hot around here.
Mr. Awesomeness: Why don't I help you over to the counter there, miss.
Awesomeness: I wish there was a way I could thank you pizza guy....

This will go on for an entire week.

Thank you pizza delivery dude.  I wish I could repay you.  Oh wait, I did.  I gave you the tip.