Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Stop! Just Kidding...Go Right In

Yesterday, I introduced you all to the newest member of my team.  This guy:

If ever there was a person who belonged on display in this blog, it's him.

We don't demand much from our security personnel.  Hang out and wait for shit to happen, really.  It's a pretty sweet gig.  Walk around the building a bit.  Chase away panhandlers.  It's a breeze.

Even if they don't do any of that, our absolute core expectation: keep unauthorized persons from entering our secured area.  As basic as that might seem, and as hard as it is to believe, this was the source of today's confusion.

Before coming to work for us, Dory (I have settled on was the most demeaning, so naturally, the winner) used to work for a hospital.  I find it hard to believe that someone would have to tell him not to let junkies into the pharmacy.

Scratch that, I would have found it hard to believe before today.

We have one secured area.  90% of our clients never need to go in there.  When they do, we need to make sure that we've properly cleared a business purpose for their access and an employee needs to account for them the whole time they're in there.

Except today.  When 90% of our clients got into that area by simply pointing toward it and saying, "I need to go in there."  Literally verbatim.

Psssst! Dory....

There's a lock on that door for a reason, asshead!

If we wanted the entire city of Phoenix traipsing through this area, we would just prop the door open and put out a Welcome mat.  You are doing the exact opposite of what any person with an I.Q. above 'drooling and diaper change' level would assume.  In fact, if you were missing one more brain cell, you would be a Hilton sister.



I missed this.


Pickleope said...

Now I know where to go to pick up the pseudoephedrine I need for my meth. Don't know if I've ever met a security guard who wasn't a natural moron who harbored a stunning lack of ambition which manifested in a blazing fireworks display of ineptitude.
"I need to go in there." makes me chuckle.

Awesomeness said...

We talked to him today about it. He actually seemed to understand. It's hard to tell sometimes, because he always says, "That sounds pretty straightforward," to everything that we tell him.

Then we have to tell him again 10 minutes later.

And 30 minutes after that.