Don't Be A Complete Tool

I am still amazed somehow at the levels of assholery people can sink to.  I should be immune.  My actual opinion is that I'm 33 years old, and in all my years I should have come across every kind of twat-faced scum monkey on the planet.  I mean, surely, eh?

Now that our ordeal with our daughter is over, and I've gotten some sleep, I'm finally able to write about the pricks we shared a hospital room with.

To get this out of the way, they were there because their 5 month old daughter had some sort of upper respiratory infection.  The baby was on oxygen and every cough sounded like a death rattle.  Both my husband and I were in anguish over that little baby almost as much as our own little girl.  This, and this alone, kept Mr. A and I from practicing some cunt punting.

We didn't get into the room on the first night until 3:00 or so in the morning.  It's normally a time that people choose to sleep, so I was expecting not to see our "roommates" until we woke up.  Not these guys.  They were up watching Beverly Hills Chihuahua.  Even before I knew what they were watching, I could hear it.  In the hallway.  Once in the room, I expected that these jerks would see that someone else and their sick kid was being set up in the room and turn down the volume.

I am so fucking naive.  They kept the TV going at a volume that could only have been intended for entertaining the whole hospital.  At the time, I was just glad to get into a room with my kid and I was so tired that I fell asleep regardless.

Now, everyone knows you don't actually get rest in the hospital.  Nurses have to appear every 15 minutes and look like they're checking something because they love that look of half-asleep indignation on your face.  Not to mention the general hallway chatter that ends up permeating the door, the PA screeching (literally one of the pages that kept sounding while I was there: "Attention: This is our routine test of the PA system."), the medical equipment beeping, and cleaning staff busting in on your ass to remove all that trash you accumulate at 4:00 in the morning.  What I'm getting at is that we didn't need Mr. and Mrs. Vampire to join in on the fun.

Throughout the next day, I learned something interesting: Mr. and Mrs. Vampire actually do sleep during the day.  Ha ha muthafucka!  Not anymore.  That day my poor girl got introduced to something she's never experienced before: an anal thermometer.  I won't go there.  I think it's abusive to stick things in a kid's ass.  At home we do an ear or armpit temp.  Once the end of that thermometer hit my kid's butt, she let out a scream that woke up coma patients in China.

Then in, what I'm convinced was, complete retalliation, they waited until my daughter was asleep and then invited 6 of their closest family members over to visit the baby.

>Bitch break: We were declining visitors.  Why?  Because what our kid had was contagious.  I'm not sure exactly what the hell virus that little baby had, but Mr. and Mrs. Vampire were hacking away in a way that lead me to believe that their child was also very contagious.  It was good to note that they weren't just being inconsiderate of us because we were strangers.  They didn't even ask what was wrong with our kid until the end of day 2.  They thought she broke her leg.  Despite a noticeable lack of cast or bandages. Despite the fact that she was walking to the bathroom to go potty...Anyway, my break is over.  Back to work<

Now there are 8 adults milling around this sick baby's crib.  They're all talking and cooing at the baby and not paying any attention at all to the fact that there was a sleeping preschooler in the bed they had to pass to get there.  Then I hear the weirdest thing coming from over there: "DIE!-DUH!.....DIE!DUH!....DIIIIIIIIIIIIE.....DUUUUUUUUUH!"  What in the everlovin' blankity-blank....?  I couldn't figure it out, but they kept saying it, emphatically.  DIE!DUH!

Finally, I noticed the patient board on their side of the room when I got up to take an Aleve for this brain-ripping headache I had for some reason: Dayda.  That's the kid's fucking name.  They named their precious child Die-Duh.  The bottle said I could have another Aleve, so I did.

After the family reunion was over, we got settled in again and Mr. A and I switched places.  He stayed with SuzieSicko for the night and I went home to remind our other child that he has a mommy.

When I went back the next morning, Mr. A was about ready to choke a bitch.  After 13 years of marriage, I recognize the look on his face.  He hadn't slept much, so I was asking how the overnight went.  Apparently, some time between midnight and 1 a.m., the Vampires called their family to chat.  Then put them on speakerphone to talk to the baby.  Aw!  Hubby got treated to his own heartwarming rendition of the DIIIIIIE! DUUUUUUUH! song.  Sweet!

The fam was back to visit the baby early the next day.  It's a great thing that I thought to bring some coloring books and crayons to keep my kid distracted because they kept moving the divider curtain to block our TV.  I'm going to highlight that in red to illustrate the color I saw every time I had to get up to move it back.  Fucking pricks.

We were discharged later that day and I was very proud that Mr. A somehow managed to remember to get out a very sincere, "We hope your daughter gets better soon."   I wasn't going to say a word to them.  About the only lesson from my mama that stuck was, "If you don't have anything nice to say to someone, don't say anything at all."  A friend of mine refers to it as "The Thumper Rule".  I was invoking that like a motherfucker on my way out.

The vacation.  I want it back.  You remember the employee who was driving me up a damn wall?  The one I was hoping MisManager would send to another office so she would not get stabbed in the head by the daggers I was shooting out of my eyes all day long at her?

Why don't you send the employee who is driving me up a fucking wall right now?  That girl can't listen for shit and I'm about to kick her butt up in between her ears if she doesn't quit pissing me off.  You'd be doing us both a favor to get her out of my face. http://completetool.blogspot.com/2009/12/skeleton-crew.html

MisManager must read my blog because there she is helping the other staff out.  Thank goodness.....

Or not.  I have to write her up.  Not only did she fuck up something stupid so completely that it messed up 3 other people's work, but she fucking lied to us about it.  Are you shitting me kid? (Kid.  She's 10 months younger than me.)  She seriously thought that no one at that office would bother to tell me or the ManAger (Oooo I like that one.  I'm keeping it.) about her stupid, dick move?

Then...THEN, she came back to help us while I was gone and pretty much pulled the same dick move.  This girl has been working for me for 2 years.  It's not like she hasn't had plenty of training.  She's got a Bachelors Degree related to the work that we're doing and is working on her Masters.  She's not an idiot.

Oh.  Edit:  She's not an idiot?

Also, as if that's not enough to make me want to drive across town and check her into a wall, she decided to issue an "All Staff" memo while I was gone.

I'm sorry.  I must have forgotten that I promoted her to Supervisor....

Nope.  No I didn't. Promote her, that is.

Then, surely, MisManager asked her to put that out because she didn't have enough time to relay the message?  Nope.  MisManager was not even copied on the memo.  She read it for the first time when I asked her why key pieces of information were left out.  I was also very curious how the phrase "...if the guy so much as stamps a foot in here..." made it into a professional communication.

(As an interesting side story, the memo was a security warning about a crazy dude who came into the office with a bullet and a samurai sword last week.  He told JailBait "Don't worry, I'm not going to kill anyone."  Creeeeeeepy! The cops were called.)

So far MisManager has been saving her from my impending doom.  This time, I'm getting my way.  Her teeth and her colon are about to become acquainted.  Well, just in my head, but it counts.

Oh, fuck you, dude.  I just woke up 10 minutes ago.  My coffee just finished brewing; I haven't even had a cup yet.  The kids haven't eaten breakfast.  You're already up my ass about showering to leave the house. 

I understand your philosophy of 'the earlier you leave, the earlier you get back', but I just frankly don't give a shit when I get back.  Today's the first day of my vacation and I don't want to kick it off with a mad rush for the door right when I first wake up.

The entire work week I'm running out the door, flying to work, kicking ass and taking names while I'm at work, rushing back home and then scrambling to get the kids fed and asleep.  The last thing I want on the weekends is to carry on that craziness.

We're not on a schedule, we can run our errands whenever we damn well choose.  Slow 'er down there and let me finish my coffee before you end up getting a crack-addicted badger thrown at you.

Oh.  I'll do it.

Our offices run on skeleton crews.  When times are lean, like now, it makes sense -- in a way -- to not waste your resources on staffing you most likely don't need.  I got it.

What I don't get, MisManager, is why you think that we can spare 2 of our staff members to work at another office.  Ske-le-ton. Crew.  It means we're already working with the minimum of what we need to operate.  Yes, the other office is in worse shape than we are.  For a lot of reasons.

What I also don't understand, is why you need my Lead employee.  I'm facing an assessment right now (someone is auditing the documents in the office) and I'm going on vacation next week.  Yesterday, I had to beg you to give me one day with her before I leave.  Your answer: "I'll see what I can do."  What!?  Just pull her, dumb ass.

Why don't you send the employee who is driving me up a fucking wall right now?  That girl can't listen for shit and I'm about to kick her butt up in between her ears if she doesn't quit pissing me off.  You'd be doing us both a favor to get her out of my face.

There are a total of 10 offices in our district.  Why is it that we're this other office's only hope?  Grow a set when you're talking to your boss and explain to her that this is too much of a hardship for us to carry alone.  It's not like she's an unreasonable person.

Please stop making it our problem that they can't just hire some more people on.  It's not like there's a lack of qualified candidates in the job market right now.  Maybe you should bring this point up to your boss.  The fact that you can't throw a rock without hitting someone desperate for a job should be apparent to her, so "your" plan of "um, just fucking hire someone already so I can have 1/4 of my staff back" should win you some brownie points for cleverness.

This would be a lot more clever than a) bombing an assessment because we're all too busy to pull the work they're requesting or b) lessening our office's effectiveness or client management.

Holy crap.  Why are you in management again?