Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Saturday, July 18, 2009

Oh I'm So Grateful.....Wait, I'm NOT!

It would just be so much easier Ms. Mess, if you would just let me know what the hell you actually want. You came in with a problem and asked for our help. Awesome SuperStaff Friends to the rescue!!

In today's episode of the Awesome SuperStaff Friends:

And what can we help you with today, ma'am?

I'm an idiot and screwed up. I don't know my elbow from my asshole, but I heard that you are the right people to help me figure it out. Save me!

It would be my pleasure ma'am. That's why we're here.

By the way, how much does this cost?

(after some calculation) Almost nothing!


No, almost nothing.

I don't really want to pay that, I want to pay...nothing.

Okay.....we can authorize 1/2 off under special circumstances. Do you meet X, Y and Z criteria?

Ohmygod! I totally do!!

Terrrrrrrrific. Half off for you then.

Wow, you're so nice. Thanks so much SuperStaff. You're my hero. Let's run hand-in-hand through a poppy field singing "Kumbaya."

Ten minutes later, Miss Manager shows up and flattens the building with her GloomRay:

Manager: Ms. Mess just came by my office. She's very upset that you didn't offer our services for free.

Awesomeness: Was I supposed to?

Manager: Oh hell no. She wanted me to give her back her fee, but I told her to eat shit and die. I'm actually not too happy that you gave her a discount. I'm just telling you because listening to the sound of my own voice is a hobby of mine.

Awesomeness: Well, good to know. Feel free to speak at length about things that we can't possibly change.

Manager: You know I will. Otherwise, your blog would be even more boring.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's show when Manager tries to fix an unbroken situation by using passive manipulation.

Oh wait, that was today.