Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Twittering Twats

In my quest to stave off boredom while avoiding everyone on the planet, I decided to check out what sort of vacuous drivel I could find on Twitter. It seemed like a good enough place to find crap to make fun of. The names, of course, will be omitted for their own protection.

What are you doing right now?

  • "My shirt tails are too long." I'll get right on that sir.

  • "While listening to a mix of a song in e minor I accidentally launched a song in iTunes in e flat major. Was very confused for a second." Gah! I hate it when that happens.

  • "Taco Tuesday" Much better than Menudo Monday.

  • "rain rain go away...Drew" This actually reads like a Wheel of Fortune "before and after" category. (Rain, rain, go away/Go away Drew. Po po Drew.)

  • "Omg if one more ask me do I play ball. Imma start tellin people I swam in the olympics with mike phelps." Yeah, but do you play ball? Seriously, you're just some random dude who does in fact play ball. What the hell are you talkin about? Imma boo you when your games come on now.

  • "My ears got boners from this record...." Link omitted - I don't want people getting ear boners from anything they come across here.

  • "Getting a little frustrated. Can never open a pot and get taken off every hand. Not cool. Table is not cooperating with me" OMG! Samesies!!

  • "Wow-just sitting at home and heard a "star tour" bus go by my house and insult me over a loud speaker-think i'll put nails out tomorrow." If you knew who this was, you would understand why I'm cruelly laughing my ass off right now.

  • "So...I have kind of an awesome announcement to make in the very near future. Probably within an hour. I have to stop jumping around, first." Why not now? I mean, you're already online and writing. Stop jumping around and just spit it out TOOL!

  • "Woke up late- missed the memorial coverage- didn't miss the premiere of taylor swift's new video- guess today isn't a complete waste." Says who? Your life is sadder than mine if your big accomplishment of the day is watching some shitty country video. (What's even funnier: this is the same person as "bus tour whiner". Bwahahahahaha!)

  • "Dear underpants elastic: I see what you did there. Message received." I don't even want to know what that means. TMI honey.


CatLadyLarew said...

But think how much fun you'd miss if you didn't have the Tweets to make fun of!

Awesomeness said...

I have lots of ammo too, because I will shamelessly follow pretty much anyone on there.

Of course, I don't use my real name, so that makes the "shameless" part pretty easy.