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Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Thursday, August 6, 2009

Cheese - The Only Food You Need


Listen Grandma. You're an old lady and you're doing us a huge favor by watching our kids, so I'll try to take it easy on you. I have a newsflash: there are other foods in my kitchen besides ___(insert carb here)___ and cheese.

When you were feeding my daughter like this, I was pregnant and too tired to fight you. Now she eats 3 things for dinner: macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese, Ramen noodles with cheese (I know....poor kid). I do not want this for my son. I am not too tired to fight you this time.

When I come home from work to you proudly proclaiming that my son has scarfed down his macaroni and cheese dinner -- for the 3rd time in a week -- that's the last straw. I asked you to feed him something else and we have this conversation:

CheesyGrandma: I don't know what else to feed him.
Awesomeness: Food. Any Food. Any OTHER food. There's an entire kitchen full of it.
CheesyGrandma: Like what? I just don't know what else there is.
Awesomeness: What did you eat for dinner? Could you have offered him that?
CheesyGrandma: I ate chicken.
Awesomeness: There you go. Cut it up into little pieces and feed it to him.
CheesyGrandma: You want him to eat chicken?
Awesomeness: *trying not to strangle an old lady* Yes! I want him to eat chicken and other such foods. Anything else but macaroni and cheese.

I can't talk to you anymore Grandma, I'm losing it. We have our fridge, freezer and cupboards packed with good foods. This morning I fired you from dinner duty only because hubby won't let me fire you all together.

I can't stop you from feeding my son nothing but pancakes for breakfast. I can't stop you from feeding him nothing but peaches and jelly bread for lunch. I am home for dinner, however and I'll make sure that he eats real food like last night's chicken, avocado, tomato and black beans. He loved it. Probably because it wasn't macaroni and cheese AGAIN.