Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Sunday, August 30, 2009


I never really go to the online "sell your own crap" type sites.  I guess I just figure if I want homemade crap, I'd just get off my damn lazy ass and make it myself.  Don't laugh, I can sew a straight line like no one's business.

Recently, a buddy of mine opened a shop on Etsy and I was checking it out.  I said, "Eh, why not poke around a little and see what else is on here."  Oh goodness, why?  Why did I look?

They have a feature on there called "Pounce" that just pulls up random crap.  You can filter it by "Just Sold" (shops that just sold an item) or "Undiscovered" (shops that can't sell shit).  I was curious why no sales for the Undiscovereds.  And now I know.

Take this purse for instance:

Hey, that's pretty cute!  What's that gonna run me?  Oh?  $10.00?  Not bad, I think I might.....NO!  That's the shipping and handling.  If you actually want something that looks like this purse it'll run ya $150.00.  Well, no fucking wonder.  What's it made out of?  George Clooney's pubic hair?  For shit's sake.  $150.00?  Let's look at something different.
What the hell is this?  It's a flower?  Are they selling a daisy on Etsy?  Naw!  They're selling just this:

 It's the picture of the flower.  Some yo-yo wants me to spend $14.00 of my hard-earned dough on a picture I can take myself.  I'll take my own daisy pictures for free, psycho.  Okay, what else?

Someone's ugly wrinkly shirt for $25.00?

Another one?  Who the hell is paying $150.00 for these purses.  I'd like to have a word with you.

This horse pillow with dingle balls.  I'm not even sure what the point of this is, but it's $20.00.

Okay, I actually kind of dig the knit cthulhu:

Anyway, so it's not all crap, but if any of these "shopkeepers" were asking my opinion (one of these days someone will be desperate enough to do so), I say stop making crap no one wants, then charging more than it's worth.

And start knitting some cthulhus (or is it cthulhi?).  I think I'm going to go back and add that guy to my favorites.


Stitches In Time said...

LMAO, you haven't seen anything yet when it comes to weird stuff on Etsy!! There is this one chick who makes pillows and jewellry that look like a vulva, pillows with secret pockets for your "toys" and some guy makes hats that look like squid....and accessories for your squid hat. Oddly enough, he actually sells them!!!