Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Pink Eye

Son-of-a-bitch. You have pink eye. You know you have pink eye. You came into work anyway. WITH PINK EYE!

Now, I know why you did it. I'm not a stupid tool. After today, you'll be out of sick time for the year and subject to disciplinary action. You needed me to send you home so, if we decided to write you up, you could complain that you didn't have the choice to stay. Of course I'm going to send you home without a choice, you have gawdamn pink eye. I'll give you your personal day, you conniving jerk. Just keep your stinkin' cooties at home.

What're you going to bring to work next? Head lice? Scabies? I've always wanted to pass a little ringworm around the office. I can't wait to find out.


Larew said...

You think it's bad at work... you should see what it's like at the school where I teach.. or any other school for that matter. It's such a terrible inconvenience for parents to keep their kids home from school, they send them with everything from Swine Flu to Pink Eye to The Bubonic Plague. (You might as well forget about the basic cooties.)

Obviously they forgot to read the warning label attached to their newborn's toe before they agreed to take them home from the hospital. Not so cute when they're spewing green shit out their noses, having explosive diarrhea in the back seat of the car and blowin' chunks all over your work clothes, now, are they?

So, the majority of parents definitely fall into the "tool" category. (Myself excepted, naturally... I'm obviously a perfect parent in all ways!)

Cat Lady

P.S. By the way... I always stick around to tell parents exactly why their little darlings are teary, or dripping blood or clinging to severed body parts. I have to get my satisfaction somehow! (Okay, so I admit it... I'm a complete tool, too!)

Awesomeness said...

I'm confused. Are you trying to tell me that my kids aren't fashion accessories?

I specifically had the boy because my girl was clashing with my blue pants.

I can't wait until my kids are old enough to go to school! Dealing with the overly agressive room-mother should get interesting.

At least I'll have no end of people to blog about. :D