Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Awesomeness
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Monday, February 22, 2010

The Great Mystery Critter Caper



There's something in the ceiling at work.  Something skittery.  (Firefox says 'skittery' isn't a word, it wants me to say 'skittles' instead, but I definitely mean skittery.)  The maintenance dude swears it's a pigeon.  He says he can hear flapping.  Well, we actually do have some pigeons up there too, but this is a mammal.

Judging by the sound it makes, the thing has little, sneaky feet with claws on them.  Yes pigeons have talons, but IT'S NOT A FUCKING PIGEON!  Ahem.  Anyway, this thing is also fast.  It covers 15 feet in less than 5 seconds.  On it's feet.  See, Maintenance Guy, it can't be a pigeon.  (No I didn't Google average land speeds for pigeons and I refuse to.)

We think it may be a rat.  Or a small cat.  Or perhaps a baby raised by rats or small cats.  Or an armadillo.  Whatever it is, it's making the ceiling tiles bow in.  Right above my head.  All day long.

Exterminator couldn't make it out today.  Tool, you'd better be there first thing in the morning.  I'm not listening to the sounds of "Death From Above" all day again.

3 comments:

Awesomeness said...

I had to laugh my ass off. When I published the post, the ad on the sidebar was for 'Roof rat specialists'. I hope I don't need them.

*mary* said...

Could it be a small raccoon? I had one hang out on my roof before and it could somehow get in on the top floor apartment between the roof and ceiling. That was in the city, too, so they do go to more populated places. (And the thing had a baby up there! I opened my outside trash can one day to see it staring out at me!)

It is probably a rat or big field mouse, I'd guess. Either way, I hope it goes away soon for you!

Awesomeness said...

I don't think there are raccoons here, Mary. I live in the desert, but I would definitely prefer that to rats.

The boys flushed it out though. It actually was a pigeon, but it was a ginormous pigeon. And it had fangs.

The exterminators are supposed to be there right now taking care of all his mutant pigeon friends and cleaning up their lair.