Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Saturday, February 27, 2010

From Dark Cloud To Broken Heart

The saga of the departure of MisManager took a few interesting twists over the last few days.  By interesting, I mean infuriating and disappointing. 

I spent the first part of the week still enjoying the idea of my liberation from the shackles of her Bungle and Bail management style.  It was as if my fairy godmother finally heard me crying in the garden, waived her magic wand and banished the wicked stepmother and a wicked stepsister to Hell.

Later in the week:

MisManager: I am not going to be able to take EmployeeVonMunchausen after all.  She's under the care of a psychiatrist right now for severe depression and I think that she would be too fragile for the transition to the other office.
Awesomeness: It's too bad that couldn't work out. (I had a feeling it wasn't going to work out anyway.  EVM drives MisManager up a wall just as much as she does me.  I was expecting this.)  Don't worry though, you'll fill that position pretty quickly.  I'm sure there are dozens of good candidates.
MisManager: I don't really want to train someone new.  I'm just going to take JailBait.
Awesomeness: *head explodes*

JailBait is my #2 employee and is currently being groomed for the Lead position when it comes available.  There's no way I'm letting this kid go without a fight.

Awesomeness: Are you sure JailBait would even want to go?
MisManager: I think I can talk him into it.  Because the situation at the other office is what it is, I'm sure I can offer him a salary increase to transfer.
Awesomeness: *lost in a wash of bleak dispair*

I can't make a counteroffer.  I can propose increases, but they have to be signed off by someone on MisManager's level.  I'm sure she would not help me sabotage her.

MisManager: And I've decided to take someone from the sales team.  I really want to take the girl I just hired.
Awesomeness: She just got here.  Would HR let her transfer since she hasn't been here for a year?
(A year is our minimum time frame that an employee has to commit to in each office before transferring or -- in most cases -- being eligible for promotion.  It keeps people from hopping around from place to place and position to position.)
MisManager: They're pretty desperate to get me into this position.  I'm sure I can get them to make an exception.

So, here's a quick rundown on what this all means:
  • the office she's transferring to is in a desperate state because it's missing a manager, sales person and an operations rep.
  • she's taking over at that office as the manager, but she wants to take 2 of my office's employees to fill the other open positions
  • she's taking 2 of our best employees and essentially putting my office in the same position as the office she's taking over
Her justification:

MisManager: Awesomeness, you're such a strong trainer that your crew really runs well short-handed.  This office has a great reputation and I'm sure you'll have an easier time filling these positions than OtherOffice did.

Oh, the flattery.  So because I do my job well, my staff and I will be punished and we'll have to shoulder the hardship of trying to fill 3 positions while keeping our heads above water.  Fucking outstanding.

Awesomeness: My concern is that you're creating a situation where the company is just transferring a staffing crisis from one location to another.  This doesn't actually solve anyone's problems as now we will have to have an interim manager and other offices will have to rally to our side to help us out as they're doing right now with OtherOffice.  It takes months to find and train a manager.  It takes at least a month beyond that to fill the other 2 positions.  It would continue the strain we've seen on our market and the steady decline in overall productivity from the last 4 months.  We have a lot of good things going on right now and I can't believe that anyone in upper management would think that this is a reasonable solution.

(That's right, I'm putting on my Big Girl/Guilt Trip/Voice Of Reason Boots and kicking her in the teeth with them.)

MisManager: I don't think it'll come to that.  They're telling me that they have an internal candidate that's eager to fill the manager position here.  As for the sales and operations positions, you'll get first crack at the employees I was considering for those positions at the other office.
Awesomeness: Why can't you just hire and train those employees?  If they're that good and they're ready to come aboard, then you all would only struggle briefly until they get on their feet.  (and for the replacement manager...I know she's lying...)
MisManager: I really don't feel like dealing with all of that.  I'd much rather just move over some seasoned people and start off over there with a good advantage.  That's absolutely my bottom line.

At least she's honest about that.  To which, I have nothing more to say to her.  My only hope at this point is to go with Evil Plan Z and pull something immature and back-stabby.  I talked to NewGirl and JailBait.  Both of them instantaneously assured me that they would rather blow a goat than transfer.  PERFECT VICTORY!!

Later in the week:

MisManager: I just wanted to let you know I decided not to transfer to the other office after all.  I wasn't able to work out an agreement with the employees to make the tranfer (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!) and it would be too much of a struggle to try to start over.  Aside from that, the other staff already resents me (I wonder why...) and I don't want to work with a staff that fights me on everything.

So a rundown on the last development:

  • MisManager wanted to make her transition to the other office cushy for her by stealing away good employees
  • I tried to reason with her by showing her what a diva, dickwad move that was, but she insisted on being an inconsiderate tool
  • I countered her dastardliness with bastardliness and FUCKING WON the battle
  • I lost the war, however, as now that her master plan is in utter ruins, she no longer wants to leave
On the bright side:
  • I didn't lose 2 of my best employees
  • I helped save our office from months of long days of pulling double or triple duty having to cover the missing positions
  • I can continue to write scathing MisManager posts for my blog (lucky me)


Bonehead said...

Geez - that's a real rollercoaster ride. I've seen so many cretins rise to management level and then maintain their key focus as solely making themselves look good and making their own lives simpler while spreading woe and work to everyone else without a care in the world.

Seems like you pointed out such a reasonable argument - that Mismanager had no other choice but to retreat. Ah - the cost of common sense.

Awesomeness said...

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I cut off my nose to spite my face in a way, but it seemed like the lesser of evils.

Part of me thinks that she also panicked when I called her on her "everything's going to work out just fine for you" bullshit. I knew better.

We've been through something similar before. It took 5 months to completely replace and train everyone. The only reason we survived that was because the manager I had at the time actually...what's the word?...uh, worked.