Tool Selection

Could be someone I know, someone I don't know, fictional characters, dead people. I don't care, I'm an equal opportunity complainer when it comes to complete dickwads.

Wherever there's a Complete Tool, I'll follow closely behind with my anonymous bitching. 'Cuz that'll show 'em.

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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I'm Sorry I Can't Take Your Call, I'm Busy Getting Stabbed In The Face

Imagine you're in your home, reading your favorite blog *ahem* when you hear a funny noise.  It kind of sounds like crunching glass.  You say a cuss word, get up and start walking to the source of the sound.

As you round a corner, (whichever one, it's your house, pick one) some huge guy cracks you in the face with a crowbar, then proceeds to terrorize you for hours on end before finally getting bored and smashing your skull in.

Do you, at any point, stroll over to the neighbor's house to inform them of your situation?
Do you call a time out to answer the phone?
What's the likelihood of someone noticing the point of entry from outside your home?

Now, let's say you're a smart cookie and install a burglar alarm.  'Cuz, then, when shit like this goes down, the alarm goes off and the police will come right out and save your ass.


Right Avondale, Arizona?

Right now the city of Avondale is considering adopting something called Verified Response.  What this means is that the police would only respond if either the alarm company asks them to or it's been verified that a crime is taking place.  Their defense is that they waste a lot of man-hours and paperwork on responding to false alarms.

I understand, but when I'm being pinned to my floor with my nail gun and then ass-raped by some AIDS-infested ax murderer, my one hopeful thought is that, thanks to my burglar alarm, help is on the way.

Because I don't live in Avondale.


Candice said...

You say ass raped like it's a bad thing...

Awesomeness said...

I was careful to specify the 'broken bottle' kind of ass-raping. ;-)